status

people easily like me, but its hard for people to love me.

wake up at 4am, mengadu pada Allah. He knows the best. And,sampai di ofis about 7am. continue to read yasin, as there is nobody yet at the office. I dont know why but, my tears burst. Ariel, be strong. There's still hope. Umrah package seems not to expensive. Maybe I just need to go there and ask for Allah's help?

mungkin?

Pelangi ku. Dari jauh ku lihat, ku renung dan ku amati. Nampak ceria, nampak indah. Duri, tanah, selut, debu, basah dan kering aku tak peduli.. demi pelangi yang mengindahkan hidupku dan membuat ku khayal seketika. Hanya kau pelangi yang satu dan ku mahu.

Namun, bila aku nampak dan dekati dengan pelangi tu, muncul pula awan hitam jahat tiba2. pelangi tersepit antara aku dan awan jahat. titik hujan turun, dengan guruh dan kilat.

mungkin, mungkin awan itu sentiasa dekat dengan pelangi. tetapi, awan hitam jahat selalu menghilangkan seri pelangi. pelangi yang cantik dan ceria, menjadi hilang.

dan aku tergapai2. perlu kah aku terbang ke langit dan buktikan pada pelangi betapa aku menanti dirinya hadir dalam hidupku. menanti di balik hujan dan takkan berhenti mengejar dirinya.

dan kini, bila hampir tangan ku menggapai pelangi dan menikmati keindahan itu, pelangi ku diganggu kenangan lama dan takut akan awan hitam itu. Dan larilah ia sejenak di balik langit yang luas. Tapi, pelangi itu mengatakan aku amat disayangi dan berharap ku sentiasa menantinya. Ku meminta padaMu Tuhan yang punya kuasa, hadirkanlah pelangi ku. Moga pelangi mengindahkan hari2 ku.

-- nukilanku utk mu, wahai pelangi ku.
Ariel
21072011 Shah Alam.

Pelangiku

Kadang-kadang Allah sembunyikan matahari,
Dia datang kan petir dan kilat..
kita tertanya-tanya kemane hilang nye matahari..
rupa2nye Allah memberikan kita pelangi..

and I think I have found my pelangi.. Pray that this is not just illusion or dream.. I hope that, it'll be forever.. Amin..

jangan bilang tidak

ku pernah punya cinta namun kini ku sedang suka kamu
cintaku dulu tlah kubuang jauh kini ku ingin kamu

ku pernah menyendiri di sini ku akan terasa sepi
walaupun bibir penuh gelak tawa namun hatiku sepi

jangan bilang tidak bila kita belum mencoba
siapa yang tahu akan sama hatimu dan juga hatiku
banyak yang bercinta bertahun-tahun putus juga
kuharapkan dengan dirimu walaupun singkat pendekatan
cinta kita kan abadi

ku pernah punya cinta namun kini ku sedang suka kamu
cintaku dulu tlah kubuang jauh kini ku ingin kamu

jangan bilang tidak bila kita belum mencoba
siapa yang tahu akan sama hatimu dan juga hatiku
banyak yang bercinta bertahun-tahun putus juga
kuharapkan dengan dirimu walaupun singkat pendekatan

jangan bilang tidak waktu dicium aku bingung
namun dada ini bergetar
makanya sungguh aku mohon
jangan bilang tidak


the lyrics are just nice..it sure is applicable for those who are still longing for their old ones..give chance to the person that love you..
mood : almost happy :)

hati,tolong sabar

hai hati, tolong sabar. sabar dengan dugaan. banyak benda yang terjadi. banyak yang perlu diberi perhatian. banyak hati untuk dijaga.

went back to hometown last week. Got two wedding invitations to attend. First is Ein+Lieza and second is Hanif+Hajar. Congratulations to both of the newly weds couples. At Ein's house, met few friends from my high school. All of them are already married and some are expecting their wife to deliver their babies. It was sure a great event as I met all of them and shared stories during our school times. Then, by 4pm went to Hanif+Hajar's ceremony. It was also awesome. Both of them looks happy and tired :)
Spend about 1Hour++ there, and the same question popped out.

Hajar : Hang bila nak kawin?
Me : Nanti lah Hajar, takdak orang lagi la ni.

The same answer I gave to all people asking me about that. Even to mum and dad. On the night, went to Joned's cafe with my family as I want to treat them dinner. And along the way, Ayah kept asking about my status and I just smile. He advised me to get married soon. Ayah, if you knew what I have been through, maybe you'll understand.

The next day, had a chat with my dad regarding my late grandpa's house. It was a mess and I said that I want to cut all the grass there. Dad said he'll bought the Brush Cutter with me later. By 12pm, got our Brush Cutter and straight I went to do my job. Alhamdulillah, even it took me until 430pm, I managed to complete the job. There's a teardrop when I see my grandpa's house and remembering all the memories with him. And now, my tears also burst when I write about him. I miss my grandparents so much.

This morning, woke up at 5am. Last night few things run through my heads. And I am determined on performing Solat Tahajjud from today onwards. Let Allah do His part and make me more peaceful. It was an embarrassment as I never performed Solat Tahajjud and need to google it to know how to performed it. Found a video by Ustaz Hassan Din on the topic and alhamdulillah, I finally had the chance to do it. Funny thing is, I am more relax and feels like all the problems gone. Finished the Solat Tahajud and Subuh around 6am. Hang my clothes, tidy up my rooms, make breakfast and straight away come to work. Let's hope that today is better than yesterday.

Dear Allah,you know the best for me.

Everything

'>

Listening to the song, I know this is my song. The song that I'll sing to you future wife. You owe me your smile. Thanks Allah for Him that I'll meet my future wife,somewhere sometimes and somehow that only He knows.

Believe in Allah's love, everything will be okay.

Everything - Lifehouse.

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

sesak

no matter how lonely it gets..i'll keep walking :)

its been so long since i have the time to post new entry. I am too busy with work and class. No time to hangout with friends,like i used to do before. Met few peoples, being in few problems but still have the time to look into the skies at night.

kerja = :\

love = :-/

mba = ;-]

i am thinking of changing from MBA to EMBA. for the sake of completing my study earlier than MBA. I can save almost 1.5years by doing so.

Pray that I found my gadis in the nearest time. 11/11/11 is coming soon. the date is there, the candidate none. haha

nasihat

i am sick..i mean really sick..my white blood cell count is higher than normal people, 12.8 compared to the scale that max is 11.0..it's caused by the fever i had since last week..so,went to DEMC and perform a blood test..doctor gave me medicine and 2 days off..first medical leave ever..

now,don't know whether i am okay yet or no..later want to check again with doctor..

today..i had a very interesting talks with my friend. something that keeps me realize it over and over again. just went back from Friday's prayer..went with one of my friend, old friend since my secondary school's day..

situation, in car :

Mr. Z : hang bila nak kawin?berapa haribulan nak kawin?

Me : uish..hang ni serius ke apa?tetiba ja tanya.

Mr. Z : betui la..aku tanya hang ni serius..aritu cakap this year kan?

Me : aah..tu hajat ja. kalau ada calon, esok gak aku kawin.

Mr Z : hang ni..parent hang kan da cari?

Me : ntah la wei..tak berkenan..takdak wujud rasa kat hati tu..

Mr. Z : aku nak cakap satu ja kat hang. jangan dok cari yang berkenan kat hati hang. cari yang boleh jaga anak2 hang. yang kita suka dan nak tu, sat ja lekat. tak lama. alih2, putus camtu aja.

Me : tapi,takdak rasa la wei. macam mana?

Mr. Z : hang pikir ja la. anak2 hang tu nanti penting.

Me : aku tak cari yang sangat cantik. aku cari satu kualiti ja. aku tau hang mesti gelak kalau aku cakap. aku nak dia ajak aku solat. and ingatkan aku kebaikan. itu la tanda and cara nak pikat hati aku.

Mr. Z : baguih..tapi,ang kena pikir. anak2 hang tu nanti, kena ada orang jaga. orang yang jaga diri dia untuk hang. bukan nya yang macam pompuan2 luar tu. pakai ketat2, nampak bontot, dada.. kalau la ni pon dia tunjuk kat orang lain, macam dia tak leh jaga diri dia kat yang berhak tu, suami dia. hang nak pompuan yang semua laki leh try?camtu?

Me : tak...aku setuju point hang. aku mmg tau yang tu. cuma satu ja, aku nak hat macam aku kata tadi and point hang tu aku ambil kira. doa aku wei..

Mr. Z : sama2 la. hang kawan aku. aku kenai hang. doa2 la wei.

it's true the things that my friend said to me. and I am 100% agree. hope that si gadis of my version is just waiting for me right now.

Gadisku

Gadisku,

Who is my gadis? :) Hope that she is smiling and thinking of me (her future hubby) , even if she don't know me.  Mimpi di siang hari agaknya kan? But, mimpi itu indah.

Packed with classes, assignments, works and also other things. 

Went back hometown during CNY holiday, 5 days of sweet memories. 

Went back on Tuesday and arrived on Wednesday morning,around 5am. During my bus ride back, met with few new friends. But, just casual friends. Girl next to me, Najwa was bit shy at first but after a while talking to me, she is okay and starts to become friendly with me. But, I can't sleep as for the next 5hours, Najwa fells asleep and she didn't realize that she was sleeping on my shoulder. I don't know what to feel as I don't think of anything towards her. Cute and lovely face, but no such feelings inside. So, better stay put and be a kind person lending my shoulder to her. Didn't even took her number in the end.

Arrived kedah around 5am and went straight home. Perform my Subuh prayer and watching Astro later. Then,came dad and said that he wants my help to put the grave stone at my late grandfather's tomb. It was surely hard for both of us, my dad as he lost his father, and me as I lost my grandfather. Al-fatihah untuk wan. I still keep my promise to pray for him and recite surah Al-Ikhlas 3 times after each prayer. That's his only wish for me, to pray for his soul to be peace in the alam barzakh.

Also attend my cousin's engagement ceremony. She's younger than me. Can't get away with all those typical question.  btw, all my relatives addressed me as Bang Teh.

" Bang Teh bila nak kawin?"

"Kerja dah ada, duit dah ada, tunggu apa lagi?"

"Memilih sangat ka ni Bang Teh?"

Those are some questions that they asked. I just said that I am waiting for my future wife to meet me somewhere in the nearest time. Who knows that I can meet her in the next few months? And also asked them to pray for me. My answer sure did stop those questions to be asked again later that day. Syukur.

Met with friends, chatting, catching up with everyone's life. Got 2 invitation cards from my friends. Wedding invitation card of course. Also the same question from them. I just said that I hope to get married on 11/11/11. They just said that need to find my candidate first.haha.

On Sunday, drive back to Shah Alam as my friend offer me to join her. Luckily she invites, if not maybe I am stuck at Kedah and not coming back working. It was 12 hours ride, from 2pm until 2am. So tiring. Until the point that we just keep silent and listening to radio without talking to each other as out of available topic already. 

Become close with few girls but just treat them as friends. Why is it my heart still not open for other girls? :'( or maybe they are still not yet my other half?

aku rindukan senyuman itu

this song totally touch me.

by kertas,title penantian. 

the lyrics are so touching,nice lyric,nice song. how i wish I could sing this to my girl,but who is my girl?hello hello,calling my girl.

Bulan dengarkan lantunku
bintang temanilah aku
terangi gelap malamku

Aku ingin engkau tahu
ku kan selalu menunggu
hilangkan rasa letihku

Bila nanti kau mengerti
kumohon terangi aku

Dalam hatiku
ingatkan aku
untuk menahan rasa hati lelahku
yang slalu ...
rindukan tawamu dalam hatiku

Hanya dirimu ...
beri malamku yang menghiasi jiwa
yang rapuh
terlalu merindumu
hoo oo ooo....

Bila nanti kau mengerti
kumohon terangi aku .....

Dalam hatiku
ingatkan aku
untuk menahan rasa hati lelahku
yang slalu ...
rindukan tawamu dalam hatiku
ingkatkan aku ku kan tetap menantimu
hingga hati it.

bertunang

today nothing much happen. until it was 450pm, I got a phone call. 

girl : "ariel, can we meet?"

me : siapa ni?

girl : xxxxxx. kawan pada xxxxx.

me : ok, utk apa eyh?

girl : boleh jumpa tak?nak cakap face to face.

me : ok. amik kat umah. 

later, after finished praying, met her and went to Section 7's lake (just opposite my house). I was confused and weird why she want to meet me. And there it is.

She just want to ask me about my friend, Mr. X. My friend already engaged and I don't want to be the person ruined his engagement. As she try to ask, I just listen. Tapi, after da dengar, simpati pon de. According to her, diaorg da kenal lama. About few years back. And my friend, Mr. X pon da jumpa that girl punya family, datang tido kat umah that girl, datang masak2, jumpa setiap ari and involve that girl in every thing.

Now, that guy, Mr.X dah start mengelak after dah bertunang. The girl want to break pon Mr. X taknak putuskan. She's trapped within her family, that guy and her own feelings.

Being fair to everybody, I just advised her to talk with Mr. X and don't do anything stupid. Also told her to do something that wont give bad consequences to both of them.

I would certainly blamed both of them. Mr. X for not being faithful to his fiance and that girl. While that girl for believing all the things that guy said to her.

Moral is, love the one that loves you. Stay faithful to each other. Kalau time bertunang pon dok ligat couple dengan orang lain, time kawin ingat nak berubah ke? I wish I wont be like that. And also wish all the people that I love wont be having the same probs. And hope that Si Gadis also not having the probs.

lunch

yesterday, received a sms from "si gadis". she was in Shah Alam attending a meeting. And her meeting was postponed after lunch. So, she was at McD spending her time. Considering that we haven't meet for quite sometimes, I said that I'll meet her later there.

After about 1 hour later, I go to McD to see her. But, BLING BLING. When I was on my way there, I stop for a while at Kompleks PKNS Section 2. Bought a bouquet of flower for her. If I could remember, I always give her flower. Something that I don't do for any other girls :)

So, I reached McD about 1215pm. Straight to Padang Jawa for Ayam Penyet. It was not a fancy restaurant but the food was superb!! We had our lunch there and she is satisfied with the Ayam Penyet.

During lunch, I asked about when could I have her card. Wedding invitation of course. My eyes glanced her hand, masih tiada cincin. Means they are not yet engaged. Maybe waiting for the correct time. I just smile and pray that she'll be happy. If I were that guy, you guys could guess how I would react kan? :P Just like i did before. Told her mom that, " Makcik, saya suka anak makcik and hajat di hati nak pinang dia" Kenapa lah boleh ada kekuatan camtu? :)

I just keep staring at her eyes and face, wajah yang dah lama aku tak tengok. Wajah yang memang sentiasa buat hati aku tak tentu arah. Maybe she realized it or maybe she don't. If only she knew it :)

After lunch, went to the nearest mosque. Solat Zohor di situ. Spend a few minutes talking to an old man and asking for his view. Cara2 nak tenangkan hati dan ikhlas. Dia cuma cakap, doa dan doa. Allah tahu yang terbaik untuk kita.

And after finish my prayer, get out and saw that Si Gadis already finished praying. Met her and give her the roses I bought. The smile from her is all that I want. Her smile is worth all the trouble.

I pray that my future wife can also be happy like this. I'll buy her roses and make her smile. I promise you my future wife. Whoever she is, be happy dear !

Ya Allah, berikanlah aku jodoh yang baik, anak2 dan waris yang baik serta keturunan yang baik. Amin ya Rabbal Alamin

mencari cinta

it has been a very busy week for me last week. with assignments, works and orientation day. 

       Classes are as usual and busy with assignment and quizzes. Had to submit essays, quizzes and assignments. None of them finished. All caused as we had orientation at Felda Trolak, Perak. Went there on Friday till Sunday. Before going to there, I am quite busy with works. Had to prepare for welcoming the group from Motorola Penang. Applied leave on Friday and yet still doing works.

       On Friday, went to Port Klang and see my cars. The C240 is in great condition while C200K is quite below my expectation. It has been few months as I was expected to have my cars on December. This is due to the fact that there's a problem with the AP. Hope that all will be solved. Might considering of taking the C240 only and not the C200K. Or maybe if I took the C200K, I will ask for some discount. Will see later.

     Later that afternoon, went to Trolak with 3 buses full of MBA student. We all are quite not so friendly as it involves all students (full time,part time and fast track) which never met before. Arrived at Felda Residence, Trolak and check in. Later that night, we had some interesting program. NIGHTWALKING! It was great. I had to pair up with 3 ladies, (Yang, Lin and Kish) for the program. Had to lead them along the way in complete darkness in the jungle. It was fun and scary as I cant see anything. So, there was my 3 new friends.

     On Saturday, we went to waterrafting at Gopeng. It was AWESOME!!! Something I never do before. It was great as the current is strong and we were wet all the way along, 7km. It took 2 hours to complete the rafting. Saved a beautiful lady (Lana) who panicked when she fall into the water.  But, that just it. Dont see her again after that. :)

     On Sunday we went to Hotspring and enjoy the water there. It was so hot that you could boil the egg directly from the hotspring. Went back later and my friend called me went I just about to arrive at campus. Alhamdulillah, he and his girlfriend invite me to accompany them to dinner and spend times with them. They were kind enough to have me and send me home.

     During the dinner, we shared a lot of interesting stories and laughed among ourselves. Flirting with the waitress as I kiddingly asked for her number. When I could see her blushing, I quickly say that I am kidding only.  :) Met with my friend's girlfriend for the first time and talked all the things related to me and my friend. They asked me why that I am still single and don't think of couple? I said that nobody want me and laugh for it. They are not falling for my excuses as they claimed me to be funny,romantic (my friend know my previous crush with si gadis as I asked for his advice) and friendly and yet no relationship. I just said that, do pray for me. :)

    So, maybe its time that I start to see what can I do for my love journey. Maybe I could start to love myself first before I love somebody else. I wish that I could find somebody who could love me for who I am. 

    Ya Allah, please give me my love and lead me to her. I done my work and pray, pleasel help me ya Allah. Amin ya rabbal alamin.

kenapa

Last week has been a very tiring week. with works and also with class. Hope that all my efforts will be rewarded later on.

Weekend is quite boring as I need to attend a conference (online) for my MBA's class. So, my Saturday is just for my study. Managed to finished it and hope that will get good marks later.

On Sunday morning, went to KL and do some shopping with my housemate. Bought calculator, shoes and planned to buy remote control helicopter for Ayish later. After that, went to UKM to meet my little sis. Already called her before I arrived and surprise,suprise. Waited for 30mins after arrived. She forgot to bring her handphone to lunch and I just met her while was waiting for her. Took the HSBC's account book,electronic device and cheque book that I registered under my company's name. No wonder their minimum deposit is high, the security is excellent.

before went back to Shah Alam, my lil sis said to me. "Bang Teh, duit da takde. Tengok ni".

Then,she opened her purse. I could see nearly RM60 still available. Then,she realized what I was going to say and quickly replied "mana cukup,nak makan lagi. Bank jauh,malas nak cucuk".

Gosh, she could read my mind. Just RM50 for her,if more she'll wasted it for topup,which I don't agree on.

Later, went back to Shah Alam and spent 3hours to iron all my clothes. So tired that night.

And here comes the biggest twist. I dreamed of Si Gadis last night. I don't know how she appeared in my minds and my dreams. I try my best to forget her and thought that I did succeed. But, why? Why she appeared in my dream again?

Ya Allah.. Woke up at 5am as I couldn't sleep. Exercising, making breakfast and performing my Subuh prayer. 

Is all this dreams happen caused I did changed my prayer? I prayed that : " Ya Allah,temukanlah jodoh aku dengan yang terbaik untuk Ku. Ya Allah, Engkau cepatkanlah jodoh ku ini. Aku mahu berkahwin ya Allah". 

Hurm..hope that my prayer will come true this year. Ya Allah, please grant my prayer. Amin...

perginya cinta ku

30th December 2010

713am : punched card and arrived at office.

715am : tett..tett..a sms received. "Bang Teh,pukul 5pm ni mai umah abg.kita bertolak balik kedah.wan tengah nazak".

720am : packed all my things and leave. dont care about my work anymore and decided to take EL (emergency leave)

9am : took a bus to my hometown

5pm : arrive at kedah and fetched by my parent.

1045pm : wan (my grandpa) passed away.

Next day, he was buried and for 3 nights, we have tahlil.

Haji Mustapa bin Abd Rahman, born in 1929 and died on 30hb Dec 2010, 1045pm. 

Siapa dia?Siapa wan aku?apa istimewa dia pada aku?apa ertinya dia dalam hidup aku?

wan adalah seorang datuk yg sangat sayang kan cucunya. pergilah mana2,ke kedai atau mana2. mesti ada something yang akan dibawa balik oleh dia. I could still remember how he would say.. "awang..oo awang" when he got back from grocery stores. thats how he called my youngest brother (even he's not named Awang),to give him candy,choc or anything that he bought. kasihnya dia pada kami tak pernah kurang. He's a guy that I admire, from religious part and social part.

Kalau belum sembahyang lagi,senang je ayat yang dia akan cakap. "Cepat skit tu..api neraka dok tggu tu." you could imagine how would I react when hear that kind of statement. wan juga la yang sumber inspirasi aku nak mengurut. Dia mmg sangat bagus kalau bab2 mengurut. sakit harini,if dia urut,esok akan lega. I also dont know how,but I can and know how to do it also. dia cakap jari2 aku ni pandai cari urat. 

Other things is, dia tak pernah lokek dengan duit. Even seringgit,seratus or berapa pun. Anak cucu akan sentiasa di ingatan. Dulu2, kalau nak balik ke kampus, bila salam je dengan dia,aku mesti dapat something. It is not the money that I expected, cuma keikhlasan hati. Selalu juga aku tolak untuk ambil,tapi dia selalu desak. Katanya buat belanja. 

Banyak kenangan sangat dengan wan. tak pernah meninggi suara. tak pernah marah2 cucu. sayang kan cucu nya. 

Berapa kali aku menangis pon aku da tak ingat. In fact, ni pon tgh menitis air mata in my office.

Ya Allah,tempatkan dia dalam golongan yang beriman. Berikanlah rahmat mu pada rohnya ya Allah. Aku sayangkan dia.