that's it

day 89..just be happy si gadis..

HOPE - WHO AM I TO SAY

Love of my life, my soulmate
You're my best friend
Part of me like breathing
Now half of me is left

Don't know anything at all
Who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you need me

Color me blue I'm lost in you
Don't know why I'm still waiting
Many moons have come and gone
Don't know why I'm still searching

Don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you need me

Hmmm hmmm mmm
Uhhh oohhh aahhh
Hooo aahhh ohh ohhh

Now you're a song I love to sing
Never thought it feels so free
Now I know what's meant to be
And that's okay with me

But who am I to say you love me
And who am I to say you need me
And who am I to say you love me

Mmmm hmmm

I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you need me
I don't know anything at all

I don't know anything at all
I don't know anything at all
I don't know anything at all

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rz6tKoK4j98

what a day

day 83,

nothing happened today. I don't sms her and let her have her time. A time to think just as she wants it. And as for me, a time to just miss her and think about her. Went out tonight with nothing to do in my mind. Except than thinking about si gadis. Stop by at 7Eleven and bought a Big Gulp drinks. Then, head to Shah Alam's Lake (section 7) and just sit there by myself. And thinking all of my past. How have she changed me and completely turns me to be a better man. Alhamdulillah. Maybe aku dah mula ikhlaskan hati ni.

A few couples were there and I just ignored them as I am already in my own world. I admit that I am not strong and I would just see her pics that I saved in my PDA. I never missed of looking at her pics and would just pray for the time to come. Even if she's not for me, I pray that she'll be happy and no harms will happen to her. Just let she smiles all the time as her smile is the one that I adore, besides than her lovely heart.

Ya Allah,bagi lah dia ingatkan aku seperti mana aku tak pernah lupakan dia.

Wujudkan lah detik di hatinya menyebut nama ku.

Hadirkan lah kasih dan sayang dalam dirinya buat ku.

Amin ya Rabbal Alamin

pahit

Quote from movie Juno :

The best thing you can do is find a person who love you for exactly what you are. Good mood,bad mood,ugly,pretty. Handsome what have you? The right person is still gonna think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking for.

True right?

Hurm..today si gadis online ym.But..you could knew it. Just ask about how's she doing and apologize if I disturb her by any means. And that's it. Nothing more or less. Hope that she's doing fine.

Usaha sudah, doa pun sudah..hanya tinggal tawakal.

pada suatu hari

day 78..

nothing much to do..so gadis should be on her way to hospital tomorrow and maybe busy packing her things..

i know the hospital but just wish her that she'll be fine..

aku nak jadi ikhlas..tolonglah aku ya Allah..tolong hamba Mu ini..

si gadis, take a good care of yourself and I'll never forget my prayer to you..

get well soon

my baby..so cute

day 77..

nothing much to do today..except that I came across to this one amazing website. It is kinda amazing what they developed. It is basically a program that will show us the face of your child. It will mix up your face and your partner face and finally...WALAAAAA..your future child's face are ready.hehe..

Add my face and si gadis face..comey gak ye?hikhik..

who knows right? From what I could say, the eye are mine, the cheek is si gadis, the hair also hers and the chin is mine. ya ya..lips belongs to si gadis also.

so cute..I would love my child more than anything else (once I get married later,insyaAllah)..

entry ni da macam entry gadis2 kan? :P

p/s : penulis memohon maaf atas sifat perasan dan kegedikan yang melampau!

word for me from my friend

kadang2 juga, yg paling sukar utk dimiliki tulah yg mungkin jodoh kita

maybe... :) what ever it is, just think positive and ikhlas kan hati

Some Pip by Parokya ni Edgar

Some people love shoes of certain kinds
Some people love afternoons or the way the moon shines
And they have their own reasons
To feel the way they do
That's why I ask myself, what is it with you?

Is there something wrong
With the way I speak?
You don't even see me
When I pass you on the street
I'll close my eyes and let it be
Because I just can't see
Why you love to hate me

Some people love weekends
Beacause they can fool around
Some people love thunderstorms
Because of how the drops of rain fall down
And they have their own reasons
Whatever they may be
That's why I think it's kind of funny
That you don't have one for me

And it sucks to face the truth
That I ain't got no reasons too
Whenever asked the simple question
Why I feel the way I do
And I know it's stupid on my part
to say that I love you
Even though I know you hate me
And you don't know why you do.

Day 76..

A song that caught my attention. The lyrics are well written. As the singer keep asking his love what's the reason of not liking him.. And I think this also can be use to my case?

I don't know what's wrong with me. Last night, I went dinner all by myself as my friends working. And after dinner, relax for a while and make new friend. With a girl, pretty and attractive. But, her beauty for me is nothing as I don't have that spark in my heart. I just talk with her and don't even have the intention of asking her number. As for now, I am not myself anymore and am not the person that all my friends used to know me.

I learnt my lesson. I appreciate people more. ""Let us be friend,normal friend"" .. and the line keep running inside my head..It was one of si gadis's sms before. I am trying to be a normal friend. A normal friend that only contact friend once in a while.

This weekend she's coming back to KL for her consultation with her doctor. Just wish that she's okay and get well soon. take care of yourself si gadis.

Also my friend did advised me to socialize back like I used to before during lunch yesterday. And I just smile at him and said " I dont need all of that now as I dont want to be the same person I used to be before"..

Ya Allah,ikhlaskan lah hatiku pada Mu dan pada dia..Amin ya Rabbal - Alamin

bahagia seketika

day 71-73 i am at morib..attending teambuilding programme. never miss to sms her. if day 70 is my happy day, day 71-73 seems like the day 1 - day 69.. she's no longer the girl i met on day 70..

as usual i sms her few times during my teambuilding, but no sms. I took the initiative to ask her, if there's anything wrong with my sms. A simple answer I received after that. Simple but painful. She replied " xxxx rasa rimas hantar2 msg tu semua" .. :) serve me right..seems like my good night wish and good morning greetings or maybe my curiosity of her health makes her feel uncomfortable. i am too caring i guess.

Like a torn in my heart, I took it positively. As I do admit that I am not the best or maybe I am too caring of expressing my feeling to her.

To make things right, I did sms her later that I wont make her uncomfortable with my frequent sms in the future and plead that we just have a short conversation on the phone as regular friend, with no feelings involve and I also make her a deal, If I ever mention about my feeling later when I called her, she can do what ever she want. And I did sms her twice mentioning the same thing, just to talk to her everyday for 2-3minutes and no feelings whatsoever. But, still no reply from day 72 till day 74 today.

Am I being the guy who is expecting too much from a girl that I fell in love with?

Or I am just not her choice?If so,I would still want to befriend her. I dont know whether my wish is granted or not. She's still in my mind and my heart.everyday and every seconds I never stop thinking of a girl who is so special to me.

Should I gave her some space?I did before and still??

Or should I be a nice guy and not bugging her?

alhamdulillah

June 10th @ day 70th..

today perhaps the most interesting day for me..

hari ni cuti and decided to go and visit si gadis..

bertolak dari shah alam ke seri iskandar about 915am..

sampai plak around 110pm..

bought her strawberry and mango..

and for her family pizza+lasagna+cabonara spagetti..

sampai2 kat umah,her mama ajak makan tengahari..

heaven tol..da la g umah,makan tengahari,jumpa si gadis..

if only I could enjoy this for the rest of my life..

if only I could stop time..

it was a very interesting day..get to know her mom,lil sis and her brother..

i also talked with her..what a day..

am so happy...

thanks Allah..thanks si gadis..

I am really enjoying the day..

Ya Allah..bagilah dia menjadi milikku.mudahkan lah urusan ku.bagilah dia sayang aku,rindu aku,cinta aku dan sentiasa teringatkan aku. Aminn

:)

day 67..

i can start to smile a bit..last night I finally have the chance to sms si gadis a few sms.

and I decided to give si gadis a visit later.

finally I have a chance to see her.

I am missing her indeed..

now just need to decide when to go,but certainly not this weekend as I need to attend team building in Morib..

ya Allah,bukakanlah hatinya pada ku,bagi lah dia ingat aku,rindu aku,sayang aku,kasih aku dan ingatkan aku sentiasa.

Amin ya Rabbal Alamin

:(

last night, hantar sms minta si gadis beri peluang jumpa even for the last time,so leh tau apa yang dia pikir ttg aku. and also sebab nak bagi peluang pada dua2 pihak.she can know how serious I am and also then I can also know who exactly I am to her.

I waited for the whole night and don't get any answer. So,today morning (day 62) I resent again and to my surprise, she is at the hospital for her treatment.

And I was really shocked. No wonder she have no time for me. And she replied that please pray for her. I did. And will always do.

After a few sms, I am still not comfortable of not being able to be there with her. Luckily she have somebody to look after her. Hopefully somebody of her family not some guy.

Lets pray for her health.

I did something silly today. I called HKL and checked whether she's admitted yet but the personnel said that she'll only be in the system if she got admitted after the operation.

I don't know whether she is in HKL or somewhere else.

Stupid of me.

Ya Allah,please give her health and all the happiness in this world.